


Not to have, never to hold

by Flooftheriver



Series: Till my last breath, I will defend [2]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders - Freeform, Badass Virgil, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders - Freeform, Deceit Sanders - Freeform, Deceit doesn’t know when to quit, Disguise, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, LETS GO GUYS, Logic | Logan Sanders - Freeform, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders - Freeform, Protective!Virgil, Sanders Sides (Video Blogging RPF), Save him Virgil, Smitten Roman, deciet, he’s in love just admit it dude, lying, roman is Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-22 13:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13764822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flooftheriver/pseuds/Flooftheriver
Summary: {Requested by Nachtnight and Acantha_Echo}A sequel to Tired, but caring- but this CAN be read as a stand-alone.•••Roman isn’t quite willing to admit it, but he would do anything for Virgil. Anything.And as is the unfair way of life, someone is more than willing to exploit that.





	Not to have, never to hold

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, protective Virgil isn’t an idea I’m willing to let go of just yet- so here we are again! There |m a y| be a third part in the future, but I don’t know when, no promises!
> 
> LETS GO :D

_“Thomas? Despite the circumstances, it was... fun acting alongside you.” Roman couldn’t help but smile at Thomas’ nod of agreement. “We should do it again sometime.”_

_He paused for a moment. “With less plots of deception.”_

_”Sounds like a plan Roman.”_

 

When Roman rose back up into Thomas’ mind, he didn’t expect the first thing he saw to be Virgil.

The anxious persona was curled up against the wall, head pressing into his legs, arms wrapped tightly around his knees. His fingers were interlocked, turning white.

 _Virgil_.

Before Roman even realised what he was doing, he had reached his friend’s side, kneeling down next to him.

”Virgil.”

If he noticed the prince’s presence, he didn’t say anything. Roman frowned as he slowly rested a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. He saw Virgil relax slightly as he leaned into it, obviously searching for comfort.

He turned and sat down next to Virgil, bringing him into a hug. The anxious persona clung to him like one would a life vest- afraid of drowning in the sea. He only rubbed circles into Virgil’s back, hushing the quiet sobs that escaped his mouth.

The two of them stayed that way until the sobs had faded away- and then longer. Virgil was unwilling to let go. 

“Hey, come on Verge. It’s alright.” Roman attempted to sooth him, stroking his hair with the lightest of touches. When Virgil’s only reply was a hollow sniff, the prince stood decidedly, arm outstretched towards the anxious persona.

”Whatever happened to that vigilant attitude?” Virgil raised his head at that, expression unreadable. 

Then it was over, hidden away under a more determined look that gradually took over his face. Virgil reached out, gripping Roman’s hand as tightly as he could- which wasn’t very tight at all, he noted.

The prince pulled him to his feet, bringing up a hand to his chin. He held Virgil’s face softly, inspecting his red eyes, his shining cheeks.

Something felt off, but Roman brushed it away, his main focus trained on his friend’s wellbeing. 

“I’m sorry, Roman.”

His gaze remained trained on his face, but Virgil refused to look at him in favour of the floor. When he spoke again, his voice was impossibly quiet.

”It was just... seeing him again- it brought back so many memories that I would do _anything_ to forget.”

Roman sighed- he understood what Virgil meant, for some part. Despite first impressions, Deciet was _not_ good for Roman, and that had been proven time and time again. 

And now, there was another example. The encouragement of lies, the stage, the need to direct- how had he not seen it coming? Stupid, _stupid_ prince.

“Do you know what the worst part is?” Virgil’s voice came out cracked and broken as he pulled Roman's hand off his chin. “I had my suspicions that Deciet was acting as Patton almost since the beginning of the video.”

He finally raised his head up, eyeing Roman with a desperate look.

“I could have prevented all this.”

Disagreement filled Roman’s chest, and he opened his mouth to contradict. “Wait, Virgil-“

”I could have stopped him before any damage was done, before he twisted us all into his little game of lies- but I didn’t.”

Roman took Virgil’s shoulders in his hands, resisting the urge to shake some sense into him.

”So I-“ His voice broke off, and he took a breath before continuing. “-I will understand if you no longer desire to trust me.”

” _What_?”

Virgil held his gaze. “I understand.”

Roman laughed in disbelief. “Cut the bullshit, Virgil.” He took a step closer, gripping him tighter than before. “I’ll trust you through anything-“

Virgil raised a hand to push Roman away, but decided against it, just holding his arm instead. “That sounds kinda stupid, Princey.”

He warmed at the half-smile Virgil was wearing. _He_  did that. “Well, you know what Logan says- el principe es estupido.”

Virgil smirked at that, eyes flying downwards again. 

The prince hesitated. “Are you alright, Virgil?”

“Honestly? I don’t think so.” 

Immediately Roman’s grip slipped off of his shoulders, sliding down to grab one of his hands as he tugged him down the corridor. Virgil looked so- so _lost_ , and he hated it. 

Roman knew he would do anything to help him feel found, and if that meant sitting with him and talking with him and making him feel loved- then by god he would do it.

He would always do it.

•••

The door closed behind Virgil with a click- Roman had brought them to his room, one goal in mind. 

He spun round, facing the anxious persona. 

“Think of something.”

”Huh?” 

“Something that makes you happy.” Roman’s smile was growing. “Quick!”

”Oh, alright then-“ Virgil’s brow furrowed in thought. 

“I’ll take a leaf from Patton’s book. Puppies.”

Roman couldn’t help but laugh- Patton’s reaction had been the sweetest thing- before waving his hand towards Virgil’s folded arms.

One blink and the image has changed. The empty space was now filled with fur, ears, a wagging tail. The puppy’s paws pressed against his chest, in an effort to reach up and lick his face.

Virgil was silent for a moment, regarding the animal with an empty look before breaking out a small smile. He glanced at  Roman.

”Would you look at that. You’re useful for something at least.”

”Oh hush.” He was holding onto his own puppy, far to distracted to take Virgil’s words seriously.

“Thank you, Roman.”

The prince looked up.

Virgil had sat down on the maroon carpeted floor, the purple jacket making him stick out like a sore thumb. But the golden puppy was making him smile, so Roman stopped looking at colours and focused on him.

The smile was small but so very real, and his eyes glinted in the light. “Thank you.”

“What? Oh- oh that- it’s nothing.” Roman grinned, before turning to the door. The prince halted, before glancing back at the boy on the floor. “You’re welcome.” He needed to get over himself. 

First when Virgil had held his hand, and now this-

“Roman?” Virgil’s voice sounded out, and the prince realised he had moved again, hand now holding the doorknob.

”Oh- Virgil. I just need to talk to Patton for a sec.” He flashed a reassuring grin in the anxious persona’s direction, quick to try the door. “I’ll be right back-“

He cut himself off when the door wouldn’t open.

_What the... why won’t it open?_

He traced the keyhole. _No key._

“Where’s the key gone?”

A chuckle was heard behind him. “Honestly, Roman. How can you lose the key to the door?”

Virgil was suddenly at his back, leaning over to drawl in his ear. “It’s almost as if-“

Roman spun round, eyes wide. His katana was currently being used against him, the silver metal shining coldly. The user had a purple jacket drawn around him, and a black eyeshadow was smudged perfectly around his eyes. 

Too late, Roman realised that it shouldn’t- _couldn’t_ be perfect. After all, he had been crying, so how could it have been?

Too late, he realised that Virgil hadn’t come up with something that made him happy- choosing Patton’s instead- because _he_ wouldn’t have known what to say.

Too late, he realised that the cold looks Virgil gave were just pauses, deciding how to act.

Too late too late  _too late._

He pressed up again the door.

”Logan! Patton! Help m-“

A hand was slammed viciously over his mouth, head banging against the door. Roman swore he saw stars. 

Virgil smirked, one eye tinted yellow.

”As if someone took it.”

 _Deciet._ _It’s Deciet, fuck- I’m so fucked._

Roman started banging on the door, noting Virgil’s look of victory as he saw the desperation clear in his eyes.

”Oh, is somebody _scared_?”

Roman watched in horror as black eyeshadow melted away into nothingness, leaving a deep pink that surrounded the eye in it's place. The shimming facade over Virgil’s eye broke, leaving a clear image of the yellow iris that all of the sides would recognise anywhere.

The purple jacket darkened as if midnight ink had been spilled, bleeding over the material as it shifted and morphed into a fitted cape. It was a clear opposite to the baggy clothing Virgil normally wore. The side donned a hat, his hands covered in yellow gloves that matched his eye.

Deceit held up the sword to Roman’s chest. “I think somebody’s scared.”

“I am not!”

”Don’t lie. Not to me.” 

He pointed the sword to the side, not taking his eyes off the prince for a second.

”Move away from the door, _please_.”

Roman complied. Deceit laughed.

”Look at you. Where’s all that fairytale bravery of yours gone now?”

He went to reply, to fight, to do _something_ -

“Nothing happened to it, because it was _never_ there to begin with, Roman. You’ve been lying to yourself this entire time. You’ve been lying to _me_.”

The prince shook his head. Deceit placed the sword near the door. “No. That’s not- it’s not true!”

Deciet suddenly stepped towards him, filling his view entirely with that pale unnatural skin, those sunken eyes, that terrifying smirk. “ _But it is_.“

He laughed at the fear in Roman’s eyes. “You know it is.”

Although Deceit was a good few meters away, Roman still heard his voice clearly in his ears, whispering into his mind and settling there- alongside the nagging doubt.

The prince was startled by sudden footsteps- when had he looked down? Deceit grabbed his chin like how Roman had to him before- except his was crueller, harsher.

“Look at you.” He yanked Roman’s face to the side, sneering. “Always hiding behind that grandiose mask of yours. You’re as bad as me.”

Deciet’s eyes lit up. “No- you’re worse.”

Roman shivered at the breath hitting his cheek.

”At least I can admit when I’m hiding behind a disguise,” he chuckled. “But you?”

He slowly turned Roman’s face the other way, eyes trained scathingly onto him. “You’re so desperate to make it true that you lie to yourself.”

An eyebrow was raised. “You lie to _Patton_.”

”Stop.”

”And _Logan_.”

“Stop.”

”And _Vir_ -“

”I said _stop_!”

Deciet growled, tugging his face painfully. “Why? Why should I stop when you _know_ it’s true?”

”Because...” Roman’s sight had gone blurry with tears. “Because...”

”I can’t believe you, _Prince Roman_.“ The sneering voice in his head was only getting louder. “Even now, you lie to yourself. Even now, you ignore the truth so _blatantly_ obvious in front of your _fucking face_ -“

Deceit was cut off by the sound of a loud bang, reminding Roman far too much of a bullet. Both the sides snapped their heads towards the entrance to the room, where the sound had come from.

The door was wide open, someone’s foot only just coming back down to stand on the floor.

”What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing?” Virgil seethed, stepping inside the room and slamming the door behind him so hard that the trophies on the shelves rattled. 

“Ah, Virgil’s here!” Deceit seemed unaffected by his sudden entrance. The smirk fell back into place, glancing quickly at the prince. “Do you want to hear the truth from Roman, or myself?“

Virgil ignored him completely, eyeing the forgotten sword near the door.

Deciet’s eyes widened. “Virgil, let’s not do anything rash here...“

The anxious persona snatched up the sword, holding it out in front of him. The steely look in his eyes matched the cold glint of the metal weapon completely, and he stepped forwards, eyes not on Deciet’s face, but on his hand that held Roman’s chin.

“I suggest you let him go this _instant_ , Deicet- unless you’d like a missing hand?” Though he smirked, his voice held no trace of a joking tone.

”Oh, but messing with you all is so much fun.” Deciet drawled the words slowly, but Roman couldn’t miss the slight shiver he gave off.

Virgil didn’t stop glaring until he finally let go, and Roman stumbled backwards, glad to be free.

The anxious persona swiftly reached out to grab him, tugging him behind his back. He kept one hand on the prince’s wrist, holding him close.

Roman could only stare at Virgil in disbelief and awe. Who was this? What was this? When had Virgil become so fucking awesome?

“Isn’t one loss a day enough for you?”

He pointed the sword at the door.

” _Get out_.”

Roman couldn’t help but smile when Deciet visibly gulped, eyes glued to the point of the sword. He fumbled, staying near the walls while Virgil stood in the centre of the room, until he reached the door.

”I’ll be back, you know.” He spoke nonchalantly, but his tight grip on the door gave him away. “I’ll always be back, Virgil.”

”And this sword will be waiting when you do.”

And then he was gone, slipping out the door. Deceit disappeared like he was never there to begin with. Only then did Roman see Virgil visibly relax, his shoulders coming down as he turned to face him.

The anxious persona stepped forwards, eyes roaming his body. He dropped the sword, grabbing his shoulders to pull him close.

“What did he do to you?!” 

Roman blinked, surprised at the amount of concern Virgil seemed to be showing. His eyes widened, mistaking the surprise for fear.

”I’ll kill him. I’ll _fucking_ kill him-“

”Virgil! It’s alright, I’m alright.” Roman gripped his hands, squeezing them tightly. “I’m alright. You saved me, so I’m alright.”

The panic was still in Virgil’s eyes. “But he was there... he could of- you could of-“

”But I didn’t,” Roman firmly stated, pulling his hands up to hold his friend’s face. “You saved me.”

Slowly, he pulled Virgil into his arms, noting the feeling of the boy’s heart hammering against his chest. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head. “You saved me.”

Virgil seemed glad for the touch, sinking into Roman’s grasp as he clutched at the fabric on his back. He was shaking, so Roman held him tighter- not thinking of pulling away even once. Virgil had helped him, so helping him in return was the only thing to do.

”You’re alright,” the anxious persona mumbled, face buried into Roman’s chest. “You’re alright.”

Roman was once again struck with the realisation that Virgil _cared_. Despite their rocky beginning, their countless arguments, their neverending opposition, he cared about _him_.

He sighed, bringing a hand to Virgil’s hair to stroke it, hoping it would help calm him down.

He knew he needed Virgil. He had known for a while now. And today- _today_ gave him hope that maybe, just maybe Virgil needed him too.

But as his friend pulled his head away to give him a gentle smile, before tugging his hand so they could walk out the room together, Roman knew that now wasn’t the time to ask.

They strolled along the corridor side by side, Virgil still gripping his hand. 

_I’ll ask later._

Roman caught Virgil looking in his direction with a small smile on his face. He smiled back.

_I will._

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO SHOUT AT ME IN THE COMMENTS IF YOU HAVE FEELS CAUSE I SURE DO


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